Clean One Liner Puns

Your one-stop site for the best free funny jokes collection on the web. Categorized and updated daily. Get the best clean free funny jokes here! Free Funny Jokes Most joke sites contain jokes that are really not funny. Only the best free funny jokes are posted here. Click on the links below or on the right to find the best free funny jokes in the category you’re looking for. It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you drive a year old car or take public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings and money and therefore you do not need a raise.

Clean Funny Jokes about Aging

You might be an engineer if If you enjoy pain. If you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division. If you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force. If when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major. If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

These 10 top online dating profile examples will help. Most guys get terrible results online. One reason is because their profile reads like a boring, dating profile shaped turd.

Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people. A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame. Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: How smart they are. How many cool devices they own. The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it’s solved.

25 Best Engineering Jokes That Will Make Your Day Better

I Need A Push New! For a ton of links to other fun and funny sites, check our Links: Just For Fun Remember: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do – you forward jokes. And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

Jul 09,  · Electrician Jokes; I found these and got a good laugh out of them, hope they do the same for you! Happy Friday everyone!

What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull? What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of ? What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50 A: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? Accountants know they’re boring. What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed? Why did God invent lawyers? So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

Engineers Quotes – BrainyQuote

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Some jokes are just not meant to be said. Congressperson John Bertiz apologized today for a joke he said on Tuesday during the mass oath-taking ceremony of engineers who just passed the Philippine Regulatory Commission’s (PRC) board exams.

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes! Let’s have a word with him. They’re rather slow, aren’t they? That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

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There are tons of perks to being a management consultant — you can make tons of money, work with prestigious clients, and travel to all sorts of places. But we make fun of ourselves too, especially when it comes to the down sides of the industry — the relentless travel, the monotonous hotel rooms, and the quirky consulting buzz words, to name a few. These are great to share with friends, colleagues, and possibly even your significant other! They could give some real insight into the mind of a consultant!

JOKES – Differences Between Men and Woman. George Carlin Quote. Women are crazy. Men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

And maybe even learn something along the way. If you are good at chemistry and enjoy all those chemical equations, then here we present to you another side of chemistry that is much more fun. Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? What is a cation afraid of?

If a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska both fall into the water, which one dissolves faster? The one in Alaska, because it is polar. It takes alkynes to make a world. ACS Bumper Sticker 8.

Knock Knock Jokes

Hot dog and a six-pack is their seven-course meal. The only social life known of is to post and talk on the net. Flames like a monster and speaks like a pussycat. No morning kisses and no evening walks. No matter how hard you cry and how loud you yell, he just sits there calmly discussing your emotion in terms of mathematical logic. Only listens to classic rock.

Wilk4: Miscellaneous Humor Welcome! Since, as we all know, the main function of the entire internet is the propagation and distribution of jokes and humorous email, we offer a selection of some of what we’ve come across that hit our funny bones.

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. Joaquim’s Fault A man is digging a hole at the same time that his friend is covering up the same hole. And thus they spend the day, one digs and the other one covers up. Curious, a passerby who can no longer keep quiet watching the surrealist scene, approaches the two men and asks, “Gentlemen, what exactly does this mean? He didn’t show up today. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day More Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints. The nervous systems has many thousands of electrical connections. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?

Things You Need To Know to Date An Engineer